These past few weeks have presented slight but unforeseen challenges. Though, in more ways than one, I am having the best time of my life, I can’t help but sometimes fall prey to  the stress and anxiety regarding my future and purpose in this world as a 25-year-old millennial. I believe, the cause of this stress,  is a feeling of not being in control and among this uncertainty I need to trust in the ever-present universal assistance . Applications to my potential PHD programs went out December 1, and it has been roughly two months since this endeavor was completed. I am now waiting to hear back from my universities (six schools along the west coast from Vancouver down to LA), and within the next month will start receiving acceptances, denials, and hopefully interview opportunities. There is something to say about this ‘waiting game’. I spent the six months prior, pre-applying, preparing my life to fit comfortably in this elevator-sized  little package, and it’s a form I’ve grown familiar with. My application identity, a pair of shoes that I started liking to wear, is now awaiting ACCEPTANCE. Oh the ultimate aspect of survival.  Now, this creative and adorned manifestation of me is marching up to the iron gates of these exciting institutions in her best dress hoping to be accepted and seen for her worth and this makes me NERVOUS.

But here’s another thing I’ve been realizing and meditating on, and that is the power of resilience.  No matter the outcome, (whether it be utter denial from world of academia, or more simply, recovering from a conversation that touched a nerve) I will be ok. My pretty little PHD self, will live on regardless of acceptance and this is something I’ve had to cope with. This, limbo—wondering, will I live here or there, will my life change AT ALL has been a stress.  The familiar, like dairy, found in a grilled cheese sandwich is readily coming to my side. Hello old friend. And other undesirable old strategies for coping are sitting in line hoping to be chosen to provide either instant or long-term relief. In a way, it’s quite beautiful. My consciousness is acting on this body to try and help soothe me. The very nature of reaching towards a stimulus for comfort is an act overflowing with compassion. Like a dear friend we are reaching towards what makes us feel better. Even if sometimes what we reach for, in turn, doesn’t provide us with relief. On some level—we hope it will. And the sheer act of seeking and providing comfort within ourselves is a delicate and unshaken relationship.

There’s a part of me that’s been feeling super energized. I’ve been making lists like crazy and knocking ‘to-dos’ off left and right. I’m packed and ready 4 days in advance for my trip down to LA (Can you tell I’m excited?), and have the meal plan down to the last granule for our two day camping adventure. I’m feeling very inspired, writing yoga sequences and soothing myself through the resources found in being organized and racking my brain making lists so as to not have any lingering considerations slip through the cracks. On one hand I am really feeling together and with it. Like I can take on the world, and more importantly have fun doing it! I’m reaching lots of goals, preparing that bomb ass lentil meatloaf that I’ve been excited about for weeks. But there is also this gnawing feeling from the not-knowing about what’s next. It’s hard to commit full-force to any project when my future could be so blissfully and spontaneously uprooted in the next month. So there is this gnawing of uncertainty and with that, I’ve been seeking to regain control and a semblance of certainty.  I’m coping with a lot of pleasure and reward stimulus. “Ahhhh I want something and can have it”, this relieves the pain of “ahhh I have no idea whats happening and I am completely at the hands of anothers approval”.

It all makes great sense, so as 2018 is ramping up and I’m having the time of my life, I am becoming increasingly aware of my stress, triggers, and coping mechanisms. Awareness of this, and mastery of the “dance” sounds to me like the ultimate control. It’s interesting, as I’m facing the potential reality of a lifetime in academia—seen to some as a stodgy and dry profession, I feel incredibly creative. Most of my creative energy, I’m finding is landing on lots of goal-orienting and future-planning, and while it is giving me bliss to FANTASIZE, reeling my energy back to the grounding now, is something I am learning and working on. Here’s a yoga sequence to do just that. Energizing and opening up the heart, strengthening the shoulders, allows for increased learned coping with sensation uncertainty and vulnerability , some grounding breaths and hip-opening poses to help with presence, and some self-soothing, because hey I think we could all use a little more of that. Enjoy.

Playlist:

Sequence: (Maybe, I will start making videos/audio…typing out sequences is quite exhaustive…and might not be that effective)

(Runs: About an hour/ Seating: Mandala formation )

Child’s pose

Hero’s pose…lean backwards

Shoulders to ears (inhale up, exhale down)

Sitting on our heels, extend arms directly out from body, arms straight, palms up pinkies facing eachother, put block towards forearms between elbows. Make a 90 degree angle with arms, fingertips facing the ceiling. Lift finger tips up (resembling a pull-up position), strengthen shoulders.

Plank (3 minutes): last minute, experiment

Side Plank (3 minutes each side): last minute, experiment ( ‘tree legs’)

Cat/Cow (X10)

Puppy Pose

From tummy, body is in a T-shape, Roll to one side-open shoulder, and the other.

Downward Dog

Sway in Ragdoll (walk your hands towards your feet, forward fold)

Roll up Vertebrae

Mountain pose

3 grounding breaths  (for these, standing in mountain pose, imagine that you are drawing energy up from the ground, on the inhale, let it circulate throughout your entire body, and on the exhale bring that energy back down to the ground through your feet)

Opening A: (variation)

-Inhale look between hands

-Exhale forward fold

-I flat back

-E plank pose (hold it for 10 seconds)

-I prep for Chattaranga

-E Chattaranga (ELBOWS IN)

-I Upward Dog

-E Downward Dog

-I Extend R leg up and back

-E Warrior 1

-I Deeper in stretch (extend arms up up up , while still remaining in sockets)

-E Sink into the knee

-I Extend arms

-E Triangle

-I Warrior 1

-E Triangle

-I Warrior 1

-E Plank pose / Chattarange

-I Upward Dog

-E Downward Dog

 

DO OTHER SIDE

-E hop forward fold

-I Flat back

-E forward fold

-I reverse swan dive

-E Mountain Pose

Opening B: (variation)

-I/E Chair (hold for 10 seconds)

-I Flat Back in chair

-Chair twist (both sides)

-E Forward fold

-I Hands to shins

-E Chattaranga/ Plank

-I Upward Dog

 

-E Downward Dog

-I Right leg extends

-Warrior 1 (R)

-Warrior 2

-Reverse Warrior -> Side Angle (X3)

-Extended Side Angle/ Bird of Paradise

-High Lunge->Bring Back leg forward and bent held up in front of you (X3)

-Warrior 3

-Half moon

-Standing splits

DO OTHER SIDE

Star ->Goddess (X10)

Skandasana (side lunge) both sides (X3)

Malasana Squat (10 seconds)

Extend feet: Hands behind back, shoulders come up over head (goal: touch head to the ground)

Dolphin

Headstand

Handstand Prep

Camel pose (lean back reach for your heels)/ back and forth X 10

Boat -> Canoe  X10

Bridge/Wheel (X3)

Shoulder stand

Twist (Both sides)

Happy baby

Reverse Suptavarakanasana (sp?)

Face yoga, face/head/neck shoulder taps, Belly Rubs

Savasana (10 minutes silence)